The Artist Ego

I have a problem.

I have an EGO problem.

And it is the opposite of what most people consider an "ego problem."

I haven't got one.

Okay, I do, but she's a wee little lass, so, perhaps, she's like leprechaun sized. No, no! Fairy-sized!

She's tiny.

She is the reason I didn't get a BFA in acting.

She is the reason I cringe away from praise or criticism of any kind.

She is the reason I'm afraid of querying my book.

She is the reason.

She's a real brat.

If she could grow a foot or two, perhaps I'd have more confidence. Perhaps I'd be able to toot my own horn enough to get somewhere in this here writing world (which is a confusing, twisty-turny, uppy-downy, motion-sick-vomit-inducing machine.)

So. I'm going to work to tell my ego to step it up a bit. I need a bit of her to carry me through as I start this process.

*Except I'm desperately afraid my writing actually sucks*

Sigh.

Book Review: DISPIRITED by Luisa Perkins

Goodreads synopsis:Cathy sees things that are invisible to everyone else. Her new stepbrother's bizarre behavior. A ghostly little boy. An abandoned house in the woods. But she doesn't see how they're all connected. And what she doesn't see might just kill her.
Image source, Goodreads link

My thoughts: 

DUDE. 

This book was creepy! I do a lot of reading in the dark, middle of the night while I'm nursing a baby girl, and I couldn't do that with this book. TOOOOOO creepy. 

Even though, at first, the house is supposed to be all welcoming and good, it's CREEPY. A house that no one else can see? 

WEIRD. 

The storyline was great, captivating and fun. It is ghostly and wistful and a nice comfortable scare. 

I didn't love the end, but I know that it was the ONLY way to go with the story. I don't disparage the choice. 

Great read. Fun read. CREEPY read. 

Hmmm.

So. The more I research, the more I realize my book sucks.

Okay, that's not true, but the rewrites just feel so so endless. I want it to be good, and I'm not interested in querying too soon, but good heavens.

Next step: I need to print it out, and highlight the conflict in every single scene. Apparently, if there isn't conflict then it's bad. BAD.

I thought I knew how to write.

Looks like, maybe not so much.

It's a good thing I LIKE writing.

Now, if only my children LIKED me writing.

Book Review: BIG IN JAPAN by Jennifer Griffith

Goodreads synopsis: Buck Cooper doesn't remember when he became invisible. It was probably around the time he hit 300 pounds, and that was quite a few pounds ago. At six-foot-six, he's the elephant in the room nobody notices. Still, his social leprosy doesn't keep him from putting in for a promotion in the stats department, or from carrying a torch for the gorgeous Alison, who just might see through the blubber to the real Buck inside.

So when Buck gets Shanghaied to Tokyo for a family emergency, the last thing he expects is to be marveled at everywhere he goes. Little kids run up to him and want to pull the hair on his arms. He's suddenly the Jolly Blond Giant.

As his life takes a new turn in a country where being big can mean fame and fortune, Buck must embark on the most dangerous yet adventurous ride of his life--to find the ultimate meaning of love and acceptance. Even if it means risking his life and giving up everything he has.
(image source) (Good reads review)

Truth: I didn't expect to like this book.

There, I said it.

But I did!

I didn't expect to care about a white guy sumo wrestling in Japan.

But I did!

I was captivated by Buck's experiences, horrified at the conditions that he was put into, and really quite afraid for him.

Add to that the fact that I did NOT want him to succeed when it came to his quest to "win" his love interest, (I didn't want ANYONE to win in that competition) and I was turning pages as fast as I could.

I was skeptical at the author's ability to portray a big white boy Texan, and there were moments when I wondered if she was just writing how she THOUGHT a big white boy Texan would think/act as opposed to how a big white boy Texan actually would (I feel only slightly at the advantage here, being married to exactly that, minus the sumo wrestling and a hundred pounds). But it wasn't enough to really bother me, just to make me go "hmm" a couple times.

All in all, a recommended read for certain.

When You Work From Home...

Am I fraud if I claim to be working from home? 

Because let me say that writing a book is WORK. I love it, it's fun and all, but that doesn't mean that it's not work. 

Working means that I'm forgoing other things, like doing the dishes. 

And putting clean laundry away. 

It becomes a game of give and take every single day. When I can hammer out some words? I tend to lean toward writing during our daily sanctioned "Netflix" time, but the problem there is that I'm tempted to let them go passed the strict "2 episode" rule when I hit a good groove. More Power Rangers from 1994? SURE WHY NOT? 

See the problem here? 

Let's not forget that we homeschool. This means that at least 3 hours a day is devoted to educating. That isn't a lot, compared to a full-time traditional school schedule, but I only have two students. We get lots done. 

Oh, and remember that 3 year old, oh right and the 2 year old? They are awfully grumpy if I ignore them. 

The baby doesn't do much napping. 

Then, let's remember that I don't want my children to suffer while I "work", so when they bring me a book and beg me to read, it's not like I can say no. 

3 meals a day? Try 13. They are ALWAYS HUNGRY. 

Which means someone is always in need of a clean diaper. 

The house? In shambles most of the time. I *could* keep it neat and tidy 24/7 but THAT would be my full-time job. 

I'm just squeezing in moments to "work from home" where I can. 

I may never finish this book. 

Rewrites

I am rewriting. Again.

It's such a learning process! I am so thankful for the internet, for the online support that gently prods me to do better and to be better.

I am determined to make this a book worth reading. It WILL be a book worth reading.

That it is all.